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The Impostor Syndrome

[Written for the Apples and Snakes blog. Original article here.]

 

I write this on the fourth day into a run of my show Rain at the Wardrobe Theatre in Bristol. My combined audience for the last three shows has been seven. I don’t ultimately blame anyone but myself: to drum up customers to a fringe theatre in a foreign town requires a level of effort that I did not put in, but it has made me think about the wider scale of the problems we as artists face.

There is a chronic low self-esteem amongst spoken word There, now I feel betterartists that is borderline endemic, and dwarfs what is present in practitioners in other art forms. The poet and academic Bohdan Piaceski described it to me as Impostor Syndrome, a psychological phenomenon where a person believes that their achievements have come to them through sheer luck. For every success, there are plenty of failures: publishers downsizing, arts budgets cut, and audiences for live performance steadily declining in favour of digital media, but we write these off instead as reflective of our own laziness or incompetence, creating a paradoxical spiral where we cannot build pride in our achievements. This is coupled with a wave of stereotypes carried over from the page poetry world and, seemingly, early 20th century Paris: poets are self-obsessed, poets drink all the time, poets drown in oceans of abstraction, poets smoke by typewriters and wallow in misery. These are more often than not internalised by the performers I know, myself included, who join in the chorus of derogation so as not to be seen as arrogant.

As creators in a predominately live medium, spoken word artists rely on an audience for what they do to work, and by association to feel good about their craft. It’s a part of why we encourage so much uproarious applause between poems at shows: we need constant encouragement.

This may all be irrelevant. The economy may pick up. The public may tire of YouTube and alcohol and come thronging back to us. Ebooks may bring about a renaissance in written poetry. I might make enough from writing one day to quit my dayjob and buy a big, brighly coloured house in North Bristol with two fluffy dogs. But if it’s going to happen to me or anyone else we have to try and develop some respect, if not for ourselves, then for our craft and other people who do it, and break out the cycle of Impostor-ism that has gripped our subculture. If we don’t no-one else will.

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